Category Archives: Faith

I’m not your Superwoman.

I’m so inspired.

Last night, I attended a vision board party called Position to Win. (To get more information on this, email my friend here.) We, as women, got together, shared our struggles, our goals, and parts of our lives with each other.

One of the things mentioned was the idea of trying to do everything all by ourselves. A mindset that I’ve struggled with in the past but, to which I BOLDLY testified I no longer did. No longer do I don my Superwoman cape and bear all of the burdens that enter my space every day. No longer do I obligate myself when I’d rather go home, have a seat, and catch up on my T.V. shows. No longer do I feel guilty when I make myself a priority. But wait…

This morning, I woke up to a twinge of conviction. This feeling was all too familiar and I know now that my statement about not being Superwoman, was not COMPLETELY true.

Of course I don’t have a cool, sexy suit to put on when I’m saving the day. Nor can I just fly up into the outer edges of the atmosphere to conquer the day. (Wait…does Superwoman fly?) And yes, I was truthful about what I mentioned before but…

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I’m still trying to be Superwoman. I still try to do everything, meet every deadline, accomplish every goal. I didn’t recognize that this was the case because I’d learned to say “no” to people. I’d learned that I’m important, that I’m a priority.

What I didn’t see was that my businesses…that baby that I birthed four years ago and the one I was currently laboring to birth? Yes, them…Those two are super demanding and if I’m not careful, I will meet that super demand with a super effort. One that I don’t always have.

See, here’s the deal. We assume this role of “savior” because we either have trust (fear) issues or pride issues. In business, it’s that you don’t trust that someone else knows more than you or has a skill set that is better than yours OR, God forbid you just need help. I don’t know if I’m scared to delegate or if I just want to boast about the fact that I’m doing it alone but, either way, I’m taking this cape off. (Although this suit IS pretty sexy!)

Do you suffer from Superwoman or Superman complex? Do you find yourself trying to save everyone (or, in my case, everything?) Join me in making this a goal for this year: I will do what I can do and that will be enough.

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Yes! Let’s get it!

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Death

It’s been a while since I’ve written… anything. Let me just be real. It’s been a while since I’ve done much of anything. I find victory in the fact that I’m still here, despite what I’ve been through.

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The past two years have been the hardest in my life. I went through a divorce that I wasn’t expecting and last night, I lost my grandmother. Death can come in many forms and quite honestly, I’m not wanting to see any more.

As a child, I spent so much of my time wishing I was grown so I wouldn’t have to do chores, stay at home, or follow 80 million rules. As an adult, all I want is the freedom of a child. I want to run around in the grass barefoot, to climb trees, and sit underneath the sun and watch the clouds all day. I want the opportunity to not be stressed or worry about the weight of the world on my shoulders… to not worry about failure, loss… to not worry about death, in whatever form it comes in.

As I lay here, waiting on the sun to rise, I think about my grandmother. How hard she worked in a yarn mill for decades. I think about her sense of humor, her quick wit, her no nonsense attitude. I think about her sweet potato pie that I used to love, her chicken dressing that I never got the recipe to, and how spending the night at her house meant fried chicken and rice for breakfast.

I think about my grandfather who is suffering with Alzheimer’s disease. I think about everything he and my grandmother went through together and in the end, nothing was left but their love for each other. I  think about how this disease could never be considered a gift except in that moment. 

Amist all these thoughts and feelings, I consider myself blessed. My grandmother helped raise me. It’s because of her that I am able to keep going in life. My strength, my determination, my witty sense of humor, it all is from her.

The last conversation I had with her was of her encouraging me to move on with my life after my divorce.  I saw how angry she was at what I was going through and I was glad because again, my grandma had my back and even now, I know that she always will.

Rest in peace, Grandma. I will always love you.

Stay

365 Grateful: 78 & 79

So, for the past couple of days, I’ve continued to push myself outside of my comfort zone. They seem like baby steps but, for me, they are huge because there was a time when fear would have stopped me from moving forward.

Thursday, I posted a video with a makeup look that I never would have considered doing a year ago. This is what happens when you stop caring about failing.

Yesterday, I received a message that literally moved me to tears and this was on top of an already rough week. I pushed passed my feelings (something I’m learning to do) and went out with my friend, Natasha.

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I stole this pic from her Facebook page.

Isn’t our makeup flawless? #shamelessplug

365 Grateful: Days 71-75?

So, how about I don’t know what day I’m on. This weekend has been hectic but, I’m grateful for the busyness.

Thursday, I had a photoshoot. I was inspired by roses (June’s flower) and Frida Kahlo. Hence, this awesomeness!

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Photographer: Rey Granger, http://www.jelaniphotography.com, granger.rey@gmail.com

I almost cried when I saw the pictures. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to see my vision come to fruition. (P.S. Video tutorial coming Thursday!)

Friday, I worked to get ready for a show on Saturday. I was thankful for my creativity and work ethic.

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Saturday was the show. I am thankful that I met some amazing people and it’s a natural high when people praise your work.

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Yesterday, I looked in my closet and a part of me that I thought was gone, reared her head. Next thing you know, this outfit made itself known.

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Then, I worked out with some buddies.

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AND I enjoyed this on the way home:

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Today, I’m back in the shop again. I have a headache now but, I’m grateful that I have work to be done. Thank God!

365 Grateful: Day 70

Man… today was eventful. I’m grateful that I got to do some things for myself.

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A little shopping…

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Some yoga…

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And this henna tattoo… even though I think it looks like a penis. Hey, I’m just saying.

I’m also grateful for life because right before my yoga class, there was a terrible accident that came a couple feet from my car.

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I’m standing right by my car here.

The car pictured flipped in the air and came down on the driver’s side. The other car involved did a 180 and hit a tree. Two people were involved. One is okay the other I assumed went to the hospital. Please pray for him.

Almost two hours later, they are still trying to get this car out of the ditch.

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I just pray the other guy is ok.

The silver lining…

  Today is day 68 of my “365 Grateful” challenge and although I will probably post later on what I’m grateful for today, I felt a need to explain why I decided to participate. 

I tried this challenge before, you know. I tried to “be” grateful even though my world, as I knew it, began to fall apart. I could blame it on the fact that I picked the word “fearless” for the year or the fact that I needed healing (who doesn’t?). Instead of placing blame, I decided to take ownership. 

Do you know how empowering it is to actually take ownership? There’s power in focusing on what you CAN do and not what you can’t. So, in the midst of the fall out, I made a decision. I was never going to be this unhealthy again.

Usually when we think of unhealthiness, we think of junk food, a lack of exercise, and maybe a lot of television. But, I’m not speaking of unhealthy in the physical sense. Recognizing that you are physically unhealthy is a lot easier that recognizing if you are unhealthy emotionally.

Not dealing with issues, acting like everything is okay, and reasoning that always makes it someone else’s fault, will lead you to being emotionally unhealthy. It’s a sneaky culprit because we are taught by our environment that confrontations have to be avoided and crying is weak. Even small children learn to place blame of someone else to avoid getting into trouble. 

So how do we become healthy? Make a decision. Make a decision to do the work. Make a decision to work on yourself. For me, it’s a lot of prayer, reading, self talk, counseling…and taking ownership. For you, it may be something completely different. 

What does this have to do with being grateful? Well, part of my self care is to focus on what was good In my day, even if I have a hard time finding it. I don’t always hit the mark but, I always try. So, if you see me say, “Today wasn’t such a good day…” or “Yeah, today kinda sucked…” know that I’m being honest but, the fact that I posted means that I am trying. I’m in the process of grieving and it can be a lot sometimes. 

I wrote this post to encourage you. Work at seeing the silver lining. Work at being grateful for everything. Even the bad that occurs in your life is there to serve you. What is it that you can learn from it? 

Keep your chins up, your chests out, and conquer the friggin day!

Until next time…

Shine!

365 Grateful: Days 61, 62 & 63

So… Monday, I was grateful for food….a bunch of food. And this banana pudding…

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… which gave me my entire life! (Picture taken from my friend, Natasha’s Facebook page.)

Yesterday, I was grateful for routine. Sometimes, we take that for granted. No picture needed here.

Today, I’m grateful that I don’t let problems defeat me. My son broke the lawn mower a week ago and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. This afternoon, I went into the garage determined to figure it out. Needless to say, the lawn mower is fixed. Now, if only this rain would stop so we can cut the grass.

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365 Grateful: Day 59 & 60

Yesterday, I danced for the first time in over a year. Going forth had become to painful to me but, I was intentional about dancing in spite of. I’m glad I did. I feel better because of it.

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(I stole this pic from my friend Michael Green’s Facebook page. I’m on the left.)

Today, I again went outside my comfort zone and went to the Hot Air Balloon Festival here. Although we didn’t see or ride in the balloons as we’d hoped, we enjoyed festival food, spoke to some amazing local artists and enjoyed being hippies for the day. Meet my friend, Britney.

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365 Grateful: Day 58

Today, I’m grateful for work. I know that sounds crazy but, I’ve realized throughout painful realities in my life that change will require two things: pain and work. I’ve felt and dealt with the pain. To be honest, I’m still dealing but, now it’s time to put the work in.

If I want to be successful, I have to work at being a person who has the integrity and wherewithal to handle success. If I want love, I have to work to be lovable and loving. If I want to be disciplined, I have to work at sacrificing what needs to be sacrificed in order for discipline to occur.

Nothing in life worth having, is not worth working hard for… or something like that.

(No picture needed.)