Have you ever gone through something that you just knew was going to take you out of here? Something that is so hard, so painful that you don’t know how to move forward from it? That’s where I am.
I try very hard to press past my pain and keep one foot in front of the other but, I just can’t right now. Most of the time, all I want to do is get back into my bed, pull the covers over my head, go to sleep, and pray that when I wake up, this will all have passed. That’s what I want to do but, I just can’t.
There are people and things in my life that demand my attention. It’s probably better that way. I have something other than myself to focus on.
In the midst of all of this, there’s this little flicker of hope that still dwells within me. If you were to take a look at my situation, I shouldn’t have any hope. I feel crazy, stupid even for looking for a light at the end what seems to be a perpetual tunnel. Even still, it’s there. This little voice that is sweetly saying, “Don’t give up.”
Trust me. I’ve given up before, a couple times. I walked away and justified it by blaming other people or saying that it was too hard. Giving up is always easier than just standing.
Standing still and seeing God fight on your behalf is hard to do. Our natural instincts scream “fight or flight” and standing is neither. Sometimes, we have to go against what our desire is and just be obedient.
I’m not sure what God has in store for me. I don’t know why what happened, happened. What I do know is that I’m still here and that means there’s still something for me to do.